The Art of Letting Go: We Don't Gotta Work it Out

I have a feeling this post may rub some people the wrong way or at least challenge current attitudes. While the latter is the intention of this post, I apologize in advance for the former-but I want to make you think. And of course, just like in any of my blogs, I am writing to myself as much as I am to to the audience. So this is another one for the runners today, but I feel like this could be applicable to other sports and arenas as well. Okay, disclaimers aside, let's get dirty.

Yesterday morning I participated in a tradition in my local running community that I always do: informally pace (Sorry, Willie and Co.!) The Woodlands Half Marathon and get a more festive long run in. I also happened to have a really good run this morning after a couple weeks of struggling a bit. You see, after several weeks of amazing training, I started to hit an energy wall. I only had to zoom out just  slightly to see what the issue was: a more-than-usually intense travel schedule, a month of (positive) stress and adjustment to my new normal of running my own practice, and trying to be a bada@$ runner all at the same time. I'm a strong woman, but I have limits. If there's one thing I've learned in all my years of racing, it's that you have to honor your body when it asks for something.

Finally yesterday I seemed to snap back into place. I ran and just took in the positive energy of the day, paid attention to my rhythm, and appreciated the effort my body was allowing me to give for 13ish miles (I wouldn't know because I only used my GPS while pacing Jen).

So after two rough workouts in a row and an atypical recovery from my last race, I emailed Coach Doug and told him what was going on. I was waking up unmotivated and struggling to hit paces. His instructions were exactly as I expected: just run. Make running a stress reliever instead of a stressor, as it should be. Okay, sweet. So I did. For once I was glad that I didn't immediately go looking for answers or major changes or blame the weather or whatever for how I was feeling. I was just tired, mentally and physically and it doesn't matter who you are, we sometimes have to step back so I did. I didn't have to "work anything out". I also didn't have to do or be anything athletically.

Which leads me to my next point. So about that race...

Stress relief or stressor??

There were actually a handful of races in the area this weekend and naturally, more than a handful of Instragram and Facebook posts about everyone's races. While I enjoy hearing about how everyone did and their experiences, something caught my attention today. And this is something I've been guilty of too so I'm not pointing any fingers and I found myself heading down that road. Okay, maybe I am but one is directed right back at yours truly. Maybe what sensitized me to this is either my social media habits that may need to be examined (yeah, probably) or that I was seeing signs of heading down maybe the wrong path for me mentally. That being said, by pulling back some I was able to observe.

Here's some of the things I read in comments about others' races, give or take Please note that these are generalities:

"Got 'X' place but was nowhere near my PR" (perhaps most common, and yes it sucks but think before you post...)

"I didn't get the time I wanted...."

"I wanted ______, but won _____". Ok you won. Let that sink in. I am so, so guilty of doing this myself.

(*pic on podium) " I'm disappointed in my time....." (note: it is okay to feel this, after being called out on this a couple years back, I've become aware of how it's conveyed to others)


Ok I'll stop now because that's enough. Honestly, I was getting a lot of negative energy in some of the post race commentary and a LOT of focus on the outcome. Lots of analysis of things that, honestly, don't need much analysis-especially if you were successful.  Just saying. And sorry if I made you uncomfortable just now. To be fair (bc we're in this together fellas), I can go off both hands in the past when I did the same thing.

Sometimes we force things and after we don't get what we want feel there are major things we need to work out. Sometimes there are, but sometimes there's nothing you need to do. Just keep running. Just keep being consistent and it will come. Something really not working after several attempts, I'm no coach, but maybe look at what you're doing in training or what you do when you're not training (maybe even more important).

Side note: I DO get it. And I think it's more than okay to be upset after an event that doesn't meet expectations. On one hand, what is good enough? On the other, it's never being truly satisfied that helps push us. We work hard, push ourselves in training, and expect often that we'll get a 1-1 relationship with what we've put in and what's on paper/the Internet/on some calculator/on Strava, etc. We get this sometimes. And sometimes we don't. But we get other good things along the way. I think my fixation on the idea of "the runner I'm supposed to be" was another thing that lead to the fatigue bomb I dealt with last week. So I did something about it. I decided to train without my GPS and just get back in rhythm again (you know, the changing up the training thing). I chose to forgive myself for being tired and-gasp-being a normal human. Progress isn't linear and what we get when we race is what we get. Ask any athlete I work with and I'm always on them to let go of their focus on production and outcome. It's all in the balance of having expectations, but suspending them when you need to.

So what do we do about this? If you're cool with where you're at and want to chase the clock, go for it. But if it stresses you out and makes you feel disappointment (excessive, at least), perhaps you may want to take a step back and look at the big picture. Are you enjoying or evaluating yourself? Are you appreciating the gift that it is to lace up injury free? Do you appreciate your amazing state of health? Do we care too much about others expectations of what they think of us? We probably do, but it can get drowned out in disappointments, but should be mitigated because you're actually an awesome runner and human being despite not breaking XX:XX, even when the weather is good and your training is spot on. And honestly, I don't think we owe the social media world a damn thing regarding our performances.

As a runner myself (and here she goes shrinking her own head again.... ) , I go through phases where I feel boxed in trying to hit every workout, prove that I'm the runner everyone thinks or I think I am in a race. I know, I know, as a sport psychology consultant I should know better. Or should I? In the spirit of lifelong learning, I appreciate the recent, albeit shift that I made as we all need some extra perspective. And letting go, running just to feel my run and get back in my power has been liberating. Will I strap on the GPS again and hammer it out? Of course. Like anything else, however, we need to adjust to where we're at. And be where we're at-regardless of if we hit our time or fell short.

Realize, friends, that we get what we get on race day.They say grateful athletes are the most successful athletes because they more often focus on the right things.  We won't always PR, or get the time to make the travel squad, or feel stellar; but there are always things we can be grateful for. And guess what, when we focus on those, the PR's and qualifiers tend to take care of themselves. And if they don't, you still had a hell of a ride in pursuit. I think that has it's own value. While I never quite made it to the start line of the Olympic Marathon Trials, I'm so grateful I tried. And tried valiantly.

So if you get anything out of this post-zoom out often and see what you need as an athlete, as a person. See your value and your training's value apart from the numbers sometimes. If something's not working, make a small change. I realize as driven, Type-A people this is hard, but I promise you, if you enjoy what you do minus all the outcome pressure, it will be okay-you won't turn into a slug-hippie-slowpoke by easing up on yourself.

Of course it's ok to be disappointed, and it's only natural-the key is to let go when it's not necessary.

Fatigued or frustrated? Try changing something up. Run without the GPS sometimes and learn to feel your pace and your run. Disregard putting on the bookface or the insta how you did. Re-learn yourself in the absence of external things. Running, like life, is all about relative (key word) balance.

Remember you are free to apply or disregard anything you read here. Thanks for hearing me out and let's keep rolling on our journeys. Remember it's ours to enjoy.

Sometimes we don't have to work anything out. We just simply have to adapt and keep going.

Namaste.