The Art of Letting Go: Lessons from a Season

This is a post that I have written a thousand times in my head before ever sitting down to put it to actual words. This is also a post that I have thought about and changed in my head probably a thousand and one times. Okay, probably neither is accurate, but nonetheless some noteworthy processes and lessons have taken place over the past 6 months that I want to share with you all-not so I can blast my running accomplishments (because there always will be someone faster and slower than I), but to both document and hopefully equip others to be able to follow a similar path. And while it’s about a racing season per se, this post contains very little racing detail. Sorry, not sorry- you guys should know by now race reports are no longer my thing. This post is about to get open and real, but I don’t think it can be conveyed any other way. So let’s get dirty.  

But first, a little backstory: I’ve been blessed these past few months with some of the best training and racing in many, many years. I’ve won some events that I never thought I would and have seen my race times at age 36 dip back down into 20-something, pre-injury times. I’m not going to lie-this is highly satisfying on a personal level, especially because this most definitely didn’t happen overnight. Please note that the intention of this post is not to brag about how I have it all together and how fast I am, because these things are all relative anyhow.

Yeah, running faster is satisfying and all, but more satisfying is seeing past experiences, both positive and painful, turn into something. These are the things that really matter and I want to share here. Hopefully someone who is/was struggling in their running or other aspects may benefit from my awkward rambling that is this essay.

So let’s begin, shall we?

I recently read a fantastic post by former Michigan State standout and current pro runner Leah O’Connor detailing the physical and mental struggles of dealing with injury and setback. If you know me at all or have followed this humble little blog; while many have had worse, I’m no stranger to setback. And doubt (wait, sport psychs have doubts?!). O’Connor’s piece struck a chord with me, or reconnected , should I say,  my past athletic self in a different way than before. I had this little moment of gratitude for how far I have come despite the fact that there were many times I asked “why keep doing this to myself”. For some reason, I never let go of my ‘spoon’, and threw in the towel; because that's not how I like to do things. Note: *If you want to understand the spoon reference, then you gotta read Leah’s article!*

Is this all there is?

I tell my runners all the time, wherever they are in their running journey, that the need to embrace exactly where they are at right now in order to progress. Intellectually, this sounds so simple. Just let go and run. But that’s easier said and contemplated versus actually putting into practice. What about when you have those ahead of you whom you used to be ahead of? What about when the watch says something different than what you think you should be running? What if you don’t feel like the athlete you used to be? Or just in general, feel ‘stuck’, and whatever you do you wonder if- “is this all there is?"- in your running. Or that you feel like you shouldn’t set goals because they feel so out-of-reach and unrealistic? If we’re honest, I’m sure many of you have had these thoughts at least pass through your head at least once. This sport ain't for the faint of heart and having doubts is normal. Yes, that is correct, sorry. 

Emotionally and psychologically, working through the doubt and relative under-performance is another journey. But Let me tell you, friends, it’s a journey worth taking. I tell you this because after many a season of rough patches, challenges, ‘starting again’ and at the worst, feeling like the others just have something I don’t, I took my own advice and the advice of those before (and smarter!) than me and made a commitment to just be the runner that I am, right now, and lean into that athlete.

In full disclosure, the results were more than I even expected (using sports psych for the win-yet again!!;)) If you’re still reading by now, this is where I walk y’all through how I ended up having the best season of my 30s so far and perhaps one of the best seasons of the past 10 years. Take what you want, and leave what you don’t. Some of these may surprise you.

Not to go all Brene Brown (again) right out the gate, but I actively decided to let go of the runner I thought I was supposed to be (and to be honest, I wasn’t sure who that was anyway) and accepted the runner that I am-right now. I was never going to be the same, but that is okay. I am a different athlete now, and come to think of it, I think I might actually be stronger and more resilient now than before. I think this mindset has enabled me to train and do more. Which brings me to my next point-

“My philosophy on running is this: I don’t dwell on it, I do it.” -Joan Benoit.  Running became more of something I do than something I am, and that seemed to take a lot of stress and pressure off. And that is a great quote from Joanie, is it not? The less emphasis I put on pace, splits,  and finish times and yes, what others are doing-funny enough-the easier it became to achieve them. Disclaimer: I do have a good 2-3 years of base training after a new personal record period of good health, so this did help as well. But it still stands that our mindset guides the rate and ease of our progress.

Fully buying into the idea that nobody gives a $#!% about my running and my race results besides me.. Nor should they, honestly, and that’s ok because running for external factors typically doesn’t lead anywhere productive. You see, the pressure we feel is often the pressure we apply to our own selves. The ‘imaginary audience’ of our teenage years is no longer valid unless you’re on LetsRun. And let’s face it, I’ll never be fast enough to be batted around by bad grammar on those message boards anyway. But I digress….

 Now don’t get me wrong, if I do something, I’m going to invest into it to the best I have that day, but there is nothing defining about a race, or a season, or who I beat or don’t beat. I Whatever. What IS defining, however, is the notion of showing up with your best self for as long as you’re out there. What IS defining is how you help others along and how much respect you show for everyone else. You do that-you’ve done your job. And your mom still loves you regardless and so on…

“The Process” really is a thing. And you should trust it. Ok I can see your eyes rolling with this statement, so hear me out- If you focus on the right things (to really reach Jedi level, at the right time). Just simply trying to improve in micro-segments, like a few seconds here and there from week-week, or getting comfortable with a workout or distance that used to be a stretch, is success. It seems that the less we have a 'white knuckle hold' on results (and results now, dammit!), the easier they come because we focus on the things that actually matter. And it’s fun to achieve simple successes and these little wins makes the pancakes taste better and allows you to have a good rest of your day because you beat you: your real biggest opponent and the only one out there you can control. Oh, and if you stop focusing on where you are not and where you currently are (sense a theme here?) you can set goals you can actually reach. And smash them. And surprise yourself. And so on. Have I convinced you yet? Ok good.

Finding a way to cultivate joy in whatever you do is really, really helpful. No, it will not always be a cake walk that contains unicorns, butterflies, and cotton candy, but it’s important no matter what level you’re at to own your journey. Did you get out of your comfort zone today? Okay, good. Find positivity in that. Did you not quit when things got hard? Did you enjoy being with people on your long run? Ok good-finding joy in things that are hard sound something like that.

When I ask myself why I keep training and running, it comes back to the simplest answer of “I just like it”. Period. Sometimes, people, it really is that simple. This sport is part of who I am and a way that I express myself.

Wow, so glad you made it to the end of this thing with me! I hope at least some of you got something out of my rambling words, because I believe in every one of them. I wrote this up simply because I wanted to share some of the things I’ve learned and breakthroughs I’ve made-not because I’m anything special but because I think many of you can apply these things to your own running and life-wherever it is you are. At the time of me writing this, I have one race left this year, a Half Marathon on 12/9. I debated waiting to post but then I realized that it’s just one race and whatever happens doesn’t necessarily add or negate anything I said on here today.

Naturally, what we learn on the roads and track nicely fits into our lives anyway. So get out there, let go, and enjoy. You’ll be surprised where you end up.

As always, thanks for reading.