Failure.

It's both the valleys and the mountains. 

“I had this big build-up,” … “`I gotta go back and do the same trick I got injured doing.’ When I got there, it was a full-on blizzard, so I wasn’t able to kind of face my fears right away. I actually just went free-riding, enjoyed the sport of snowboarding, riding powder, doing all these things, so it kind of like, you know, got me happy and excited. It wasn’t an `I’m going to face my fears’ moment, it was just a ton of fun.”

“I was slightly ashamed about having Sochi, but now I wear the ring, because, you know what? I was an Olympian, and I was there and I was proud of doing my thing. How many people get to go to the Olympics? And then how many people get to go multiple times?-Shaun White

Today we're gonna talk about the 'F-' word...no, no, not that one, guys! FAILURE.

Actually, failure and responding to it has been a hotly requested topic over the past couple weeks in my work and is something I'm seemingly always contemplating in my own life well, because, I'm no stranger to messing up and getting back up. It’s also pretty necessary for, you know- actually being successful( and yes, skeptics-I said that correctly!).

Given we’re smack dab in the middle of the Winter Olympics, I figured I’d use Mr. Shaun White as a muse for this post. The four-time Olympian stated in a recent interview that the injuries, fears, and (relative) failure of the Sochi Olympics has turned him into a better person and has helped him fall back in love with his sport again. The other night, the world watched as one man’s setback turned into a comeback as White nailed each of his runs, winning the Gold in dominant fashion-a far cry from an 11^th place finish four years prior. I use this example to illustrate that failure and setback does not discriminate, but those who choose to use it and grow may just may be opening the door for great things to happen.

…Ok that’s great and all, but that’s one Olympic athlete’s story. What about everyone else?

So glad you asked!

So how does messing up, getting hurt, or even being humiliated make us better people? The truth lies in embracing discomfort-like being really pissed at yourself and the situation and realizing you’re not dying-novel concept, isn’t it?! Anyhow, moving on… In an interview with Outside Magazine, surfer Nic Lamb states that “only when I step out of our comfort zones do we grow; if I never pushed the envelope or never struggled, I’d would never get better”.

Hey! I see that on memes all the time and get all inspired and stuff, but then…'

You see, the purpose here is to actually uncover the psychological and often physical weak spots (not what you see on those syrupy memes) and engage your brain in trying to figure out whatever the problem is; whether that is trying to run a faster time, improve your grade in a subject, or hit more greens on the golf course. Or take relationships, you have to take greater (but reasonable) risks-even face rejection to rewire your mind to learn and become more resilient in situations. Okay, full disclosure: I do like some of those memes, but they’re simply accessories, not actual problem-solving tools, IMO. And sorry, you have to get that awkward, nervous feeling sometimes kids. There’s no real way around it.

According to Steve Magness, those who learn successfully practice something called “productive failure”; meaning that the greatest learning occurs when we experience challenge just outside of our reach. And doesn’t that make the ‘F’-word more palpable? I think so!

So why ‘productive failure’ ? Because we can go back an analyze the problem from different angles and seek greater understanding before trying the task again.

Let’s take an injury, for example. What you saw for your season is now shifted in the wrong direction. So what do you do about it? Let’s see…first, be upset, deal with the feels, then learn about the injury. Learn as much as you can. Then learn about you: what mental and physical factors may have made you vulnerable. Now take that info, and put it together piece by piece. Don’t try and make all the changes at once, just FYI, that’s a bit overwhelming! Suddenly, this failure has made you a stronger, more knowledgeable ,and possibly more grateful person. Like I like to tell my clients (and myself from time to time) how can we expect to have something down without direct, often repeated experience with whatever it is? Think about that…

For my science nerds out there, you can’t develop a sound theory without data. And often a lot of data. Same thing goes with responding to failure and setbacks. Screwing up may actually be a gift because you now know more than you did before. Genius, right?! Ok that may be taking it a little too far, but you get what I’m saying.

So here’s the take-home message and (hopefully) real-world application from my latest reflection and ramblings:

1.       It’s okay to be disappointed, sad, or upset when something doesn’t go to plan. Just limit the grieving/feels period to something reasonable.

2.       Once the emotion burns off, start the learning process. Ask questions, use google even, but do it sparingly, please. Use support systems.

3.       Once you know about your mistake, setback, injury, etc., then you can scan for the positives. NOTE: this is not easy. But neither is growth. Sorry. However, positivity wins the day, so what do you have to lose. Ask yourself: "how can I gain strength and purpose from this?"

4.       Take what you found, learned, are grateful for and start the process of moving forward, one day/week/hour/moment at a time. I know I've failed an awful lot of times in my life, but I can't say I genuinely regret many, if any of my experiences from the other side of them. 

There you have it, kids. Failure is (necessary) for life, and the ability to reframe it can be lear

ned and cultivated. Be grateful and keep going. 

Source: Magness, S., & Stulberg, B. (2017). Peak Performance: Elevate your Game, Avoid Burnout, and Thrive with the New Science of Success. Rodale.