The Art of Letting Go: Comparing Yourself to.....Yourself.

“Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.” -unknown

Raise your hand if you ever find yourself doing this! Not quite sure what I’m talking about (or you're in denial, which is okay)- then read on. And you can put your hands down now...

So there’s this awful thing we sometimes do to ourselves... some of us have this tendency to take our past achievements (Yay!) and use them to psychologically beat us down instead of build us up (Noooo!).

When you read this for the first time, this idea likely makes little sense (or it's my writing style, but not much we can do there...)-or maybe it does if you’re all wise and stuff. If you're like me, we often find ourselves always going back to some arbitrary standard we set for ourselves this one day or moment in our lives and held onto it as to determine our worth and confidence forever and ever.  I'm writing to those achievement-oriented individuals out there; myself included of course. Maybe this blog should be re-named "how to stop being so Type A", but I digress...

So think about it: how many times do we do something really cool- crush this goal we really wanted, feel on top of the world one minute only to be left scratching our heads when we don't immediately meet or exceed this thing we just did another minute. A lot of the athletes I work with create one heck of a pressure cooker for themselves by doing this. And we're not even talking about comparing to others, it's about comparing ourselves to ourselves. Seriously. It's a thing. I see and deal with it on the daily. 

Or what if we don't match that level for a while or life/injury/work/family/zombies impede our progress?  Does that mean we suck now? Or that we’ll never have that level of success again? Or we're 'damaged goods'? Well, it’s up to us, kids, to answer that one for ourselves-so read on.

We talk a TON about how toxic it is to compare ourselves to others- you know, the thief of joy and everything. But we don't seem to talk about the more subtle confidence-killer: comparing ourselves to  our (often former) selves. I see this so much in the athletes I work with and would be lying if it wasn't something I have to work through myself. It often manifests through constant disappointment in performances that don't match what they previously have done. Wanna suck the joy right out of what you're doing? Do this very thing and do it often. Want to grow as an athlete and (*more importantly*) a person? I suggest starting to view yourself in the wonderful world of here and now. We'll talk in a sec about how to actually do that.

"But Adrienne, I used to do _____, how am I ever going to get back to that?" Well Darlin', you keep looking backwards and it will be nearly impossible. So let's get with the program of the here and now and work with that. 

To unpack this a little more I’ll provide a little personal story on this subject. I used to be really, really, good at taking my former achievements and beating myself over the head with them. Side Note: old personal records may contain sharp edges, so self-sabotage at your own risk!* This year I ran two half marathons after nearly a five-year hiatus from the distance. It’s not that I wanted this long a layoff; injury, life, and setbacks kept me from training for longer distances and I had a lot going on. It happens, you know. I admit to letting my shiny PR’s deter me from trying it again sooner because… you guessed it....the idea of "what if I’m a disappointment??" This line of thinking kept me all judgy and unhappy with my running for longer than it should have (why?!).

This February I finally said ‘’screw you’’ to comparison game with my old achievements (notice how I said old 'achievements' and not 'self'') and took the first step. I ran the Austin Half on a gloriously warm and humid day as Houston followed me up to the Hill Country, reacquainting myself with the distance I once considered a specialty. It was ugly-glorious-in case you were wondering- not to be confused with gloriously ugly. You see, I committed to not letting my former performances keep me from doing what I love (what if it’s not as good? So what?!).

Were the self-comparisons there? I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t, but I worked through it and I got what I got and honestly, this was an experience I needed to move forward.

Flash forward to this weekend, and I ran my second ½ in a year, with much better results than 10 months ago. So much better; that on a course that was .80 mile long (thanks, Rob Goyen for that!!), on a trail, I beat my last half marathon time. I walked away with a six-minute improvement from Austin and felt like I gave it my honest best for right now out there. 

I'll be honest that there were intrusive whispers of “wow, you could/used to do much better than this” after the finish, but were quickly reframed with seeing a significant time drop and work paying off. Its not that we don't experience this, but how we manage it. If you commit to improving in anything, it really does take time and more importantly grit and patience. Most importantly, the simplest way to end the self-comparison game is to learn to operate in the present. That’s it. 

Easier said than done, but here’s some tips for those dealing with this:

Let’s start with the most obvious: Um, so… you know that cool stuff you did? That time you qualified for this and that, was on the cross country team in college, or set that fat PR? Yep, you did that. You are very good. Now be grateful for that and stop using it as a tool to judge yourself with. Achievement and potential are not one in the same and I advise we not get too caught up in either. It’s not written anywhere that you have to maintain the same standard for the end of time. That, and we’re SO much more than our accomplishments-let’s be honest.

Work with what you have, right now. Not at the same fitness level you once were? Coming back from injury or a layoff? Or what about just an ‘off’ year performance-wise? You have a choice: either let it hold you back from getting out there and taking risks or decide to take what comes one step at a time. I hope you choose the latter-it’s more fun on that side. On the other side of self-consciousness is somebody who is capable and strong.

Speaking of working with what you have. Set your goals accordingly and in the present/near future. Like my 2017 half-marathons, I set the objective to pursue improvement from a seasonal perspective instead of the desperate “I need to get back…” frame of reference. That’s stressful. And I don’t think it made me much fun to be around when I thought like that. Redevelop yourself and your skills and things will naturally take shape (like how I craftily told you to “trust the process” ?;)).

Don’t let your performance define your person. Seriously, it’s hard-but don’t.  A race (or whatever it is you’re into) is simply a moment in time, not a judgement. I tell myself this a LOT nowadays and it’s pretty darn helpful.  And a clock can’t tell me if I’m a good person or not.  What we do on the athletic fields and in life is fluid and our ‘best’ also is so.

So here we have it-some strategies to start letting go comparing present self to our past achievements. The bottom line is this: we will feel pressure in our lives to reproduce successes, but at the end of the day, it is up to us how we define what success actually means to us-and that’s pretty powerful stuff if you ask me.

Stay hungry, but not starving, and be present kids!