Lies __________ Told Me.

...insert your name above....

 Today we’re talking about lies, awful lies-but not the ones you usually think of: like when your mile PR is juuuust a few seconds over what you tell people or maybe that time when you were seventeen and you were staying at your "friend’s house" for the night (for the record, I have not committed either of these!). This post is about the lies that we tell ourselves. Yep. I do it, and probably most of the planet does so too to a degree. What’s crazy is how slick our negative belief systems can get at telling us things that are untrue. Absurd things. And like to the point where we don’t even question what’s going on anymore-it’s like “oh, okay Adrienne, whatever you say!” 

That’s when stuff gets weird. And can work against us, but trust me-it doesn’t have to be this way.

What this post really is about is about the jacked-up things that negative self-talk does to us often-like daily. These lovely thoughts are also referred to as Automatic Negative Thoughts (or ANTS) or Cognitive Distortions. Now that we have the psych terms outta the way-so how does it get to this point?

You see, our brain organically places no value on our thoughts (they are just little electrical impulses, after all), but weighs them by volume. In other words, what we say to ourselves the most often becomes our relative ‘truth’ because the most frequent events become the loudest. When are thoughts are healthy and grounded in reality/here and now/whatever, we speak the truth to ourselves. This is good. Keep doing this.

According to research, we experience somewhere around 48,000-51,000 (or more, yeah I’m looking at you, overthinkers of the world!) thoughts per day. Wow. That makes me tired just writing that. So, if what we’re telling ourselves is positive or at least functional/neutral, then chances are we’ll perform better at our sports, jobs, relationships, and just life in general. If what we’re telling ourselves is negatively biased then we’re at best spinning our wheels unnecessarily and at worst, totally undermining every.little.thing.we.do. As the saying goes, “where the mind goes, the body follows”.

Okay so here’s the conundrum…it’s sometimes hard to tell the truths from the lies because we get so good at telling ourselves unnecessary junk. However, its definitely not impossible to change this but takes some awareness and repetition (yeah sorry…just like distance running, there are no shortcuts here). Today I’ll address this with some examples and stuff.  

Just like the title says and in the spirit of keeping it real like I like to do on here, let’s look at some of the lies Adrienne told me. Those of you reading can use this as an exercise and insert your name in the blank. Or not. I won’t judge either way. Anyhow, I digress….

The following examples are a compilation of crud that “Lyin’ A” has tried to pull over “Real A” in my life and running. Spoiler alert: reality wins these arguments. Because I like winning and I’m trying to model positive thinking and behavior. You’ll find that because there is absolutely NO evidence of the stuff Lyin A says, she’s just there to try to steal the spotlight... So here goes:

Lyin’ A (reading training schedule): “See that workout? I don’t think you can complete that. Your coach thinks you’re better than you actually are.”

Reality: “Yes, this will be challenging, but you are more than capable of completing that beast. Your coach won’t give you something you can’t do”. Goes on to nail workout.

Lyin’ A (prepping for presentation): “You don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re in over your head on this one, you don’t know anything about_______”.

Reality: “I am more than qualified to present on this topic, and guess what? I don’t know something, I can find out. I don’t have to know everything to be effective.” Goes on to give talk with positive feedback from others. 

Lyin’ A (attending party with a bunch of new people): “You know you’re not very good in crowds, right? You’re probably going to end up hovering around like a lost puppy looking all awkward and not have much fun. Maybe you should just skip it.”

Reality: “You know, this is a great opportunity to meet new people, and I like being in this situation. Every time I hesitate about things like this it generally turns out better than imagined.” Goes on to have a great time.

Lyin’ A (and most of us if we’re honest from time to time): (basically any aberrant occasion) “you suck.”

Reality: “Lyin A-Really?! Says who? I shouldn’t even justify that with a response. And I will kindly ask you to leave. I am capable/good at/effective, etc. and don’t need to be perfect. I’m learning things and getting better everyday.” Goes on to successfully complete task in question.

Lyin' A (writing something): "Nobody's gonna read this thing, and if they do, they won't like it."

Reality: "So what. I like it, and it's likely that somebody will get something outta this." 

Hope you all enjoyed my lively little debate! Let’s be honest, I’m sure most of you have had similar ones in your head. And if you don’t, then maybe you should start. The more we identify those lies and distorted thoughts, the more we can debate and correct them. To stop a liar, we have to catch them in a lie, you know.

To put it into practice: first identify the situation that gets your “lyin’ self” going. Next, stop and question the validity of that thing that’s making you feel bad or underperform on something. Last, challenge that thought with reality or positivity. Keep it simple and direct. Over time, our brain will recognize that positive thoughts are taking up more mental space and your dominant pattern will become as so. Lastly +1, do this often and pay attention.

There you have it, kids- a simple strategy to live a more honest, healthy emotional life. What are some of the lies you tell yourself? How will you call them out?

Til next time, keep it real!