Five Ways I Undermine My Own Self-Care

“Self-care is my middle name, people!”

“I totally rock at work-life balance.”

“I’m one of the most industrious people I know.”

These are all things I’ve told myself time and time again (of course in my own head for risk of sounding like an arrogant weirdo). At times they are true statements/positive self-talk and can be validating that I am on the right track with things. Other times, well…I’ll fill you all in with a little secret: they’re sometimes dripping in denial.Dangit.

Before I get into the meat and potatoes of this post (vegan option upon request), this story technically begins eight years ago sitting in Ethics class for Counselors but dates back even further. I clearly recall a discussion about how as professionals, we are obligated to exercise, eat right, keep our house and car clean (true story) and otherwise manage our stress levels; you know, just like any human is advised to do.

 I also recall being very pleased in hearing this because I was the resident ‘jock’ of my cohort and this was one sweet morsel of validation after getting affectionately admired teased by many of my classmates for my early wakeups, fruit, chicken, and oatmeal-heavy diet, distaste for staying out past midnight, and putting more miles on my running shoes than my car. And make straight-A's. Self-care?! Psssh! I got that down. Um, yeah…let’s not get so ahead of ourselves…

Too much of a good thing is not always so good of a thing.

And here’s where we pick back up in the present. And I still eat right (most of the time), run in the morning, and have an even bigger distaste for staying out past midnight. One thing Dr. W. also mentioned in that class was how we needed to use the word “no”. A lot. Something I’ve always had a little harder of a time doing- along with my secret ambition of being superwoman, but I’ll talk about that later.

While sadly I have no cape or flying ability, I have always prided myself in being able to take on a lot of things at once and be a ‘yes’ woman of sorts. This will make you a fair number or friends (or at least acquaintances) and may help you in the business world and all, but it’s a double-edged sword.  This ability has garnered me some success professionally and athletically and my work ethic is one of my favorite things about me, but it has also gotten me into some trouble and well, just made me really, really, tired. Like tired to the point I fantasize about hiding in a closet at various points of the day (I kid! Well, kind of….).

Self-care is a piece of cake. The dry, crumbly kind. That may or may not be missing one of the ingredients.

This post was inspired by recent events-like this past week- where I unsuccessfully attempted to take the red eye home after a friend’s wedding, jump right back into my training schedule without missing a beat, see multiple clients per day, and spend one day working out of town and then turn around and hit double-digit miles the next morning, see more clients, and try and fall asleep somewhere in between. Basically pretend I didn't completely throw my routine to the wind. While this wasn’t a total failure, I was taaaaapped out come Saturday. Oh, and fun fact: red eye flights from another time zone jacks up your sleep schedule- in case you didn’t know.

Ok, enough rambling and talking about me….

What is the practical message here? Here’s where I present to you the ways I undermine my own self-care. Hopefully many of you can relate. And if not, good on ya. You’re a rock star. Or your struggles are different. Or both.

1.       So. Much. ‘On’. Extroverts can just pass along here. I consider myself “mesoverted”. Yes, I made that term up myself-but simply put I get my energy from a select group of people and others tend to drain it. I can sustain being “on” a relatively long time, but when I’m done, I’m done. Anyone feel me? I often overestimate how much I can do and pile on things that demand my attention and focus, such as driving five hours home on five hours of sleep from seeing family and being funny and engaging and then giving a presentation that same day and be more funny and engaging and remember what the heck I'm supposed to be talking about. Both things that can fill the well, but together can drain it. A wise man once told me “Adrienne you can do anything, but you can’t do everything.”-yep.

2.       Comparison with others. “But ‘so and so’ can do it, why can’t I?”. I don’t know what’s going on in their background and how full their plate actually is. I don’t even know who ‘so and so’ is half the time. Example: those who can get up, run a bajillion miles, stay up late, and kill it at work the next day with a smile on their face and write a better blog than me. Yeah. Those people. Or is it merely perception and negative self-bias thinking that they can do these things? Hmmm…

3.       That 'Flaky fear'. I can hear you asking “what the heck is that?” It’s the fear of making plans and then cancelling them because you’ll look like a flake but you really are overextending yourself.  Yes, I also made this up too (but it’s my blog so….). So many times I’ve accepted invites and projects that didn’t fit the life space I was in at the time because of this. Like Steve Magness and Brad Stulberg write in their fabulous “Peak Performance”-worrying about what people think of us is a waste of time and especially energy. So not feeling it.... it’s not you, it really is me, honey. And Magness and Stulberg do a much better job at explaining this stuff than I do-and no they didn’t tell me to say that!

4.       Going to bed on a “full brain”. Oh, my-this is one I “should” know better as I’m always on my athletes not to do this very thing. Plans, ideas, concerns, and tomorrow’s workout are not as comfortable as pillows or stuffed animals and they’re noisy little suckers. While content is often positive, it still doesn’t bode well for sleeping, which doesn’t really help with executing these great ideas, plans, and workouts. For the record, I don’t own any stuffed animals….

5.       All work, all the time.  I love, love what I do. But when I do too much of it, it doesn’t always love me back. There always will be more to do, but rarely ever is it as urgent as it feels.

There you have it, people! These are the areas I think I mess up on mist often. But remember, failure is not final and can be used for learning; therefore I’ll be addressing the other side of the issue: how to stop undermining your own self-care. Til then, hope you learned and enjoyed.